Stoner 3

Being speechless is a phenomenon. It means a lot more than how shallow the statement actually sounds, or rather how shallow people have made it sound over time. It clearly defines one's power over the other to render them bound. A power that compels them to talk in silence rather than words. As much as I wanted to believe the contrary, I'm not a powerful woman at that. My words say a lot more for me than I actually feel. And that certainly has left people speechlessly confused, because they read something and see something. Not that they never have had an unwanted impact, they did. And that's where the hard part lies. Actions are amendable, words aren't. The wounds they cause run much deeper. However hard tried, you can never say just the appropriate amount of things with an equal measure of appropriate words required to support your feelings. We either under-say or over-say, but we just can't say. A lot we say depends on our impulse, something that we can perfectly control. Rather, the only things we can completely control in life. Happy impulse, sad impulse, angry impulse. We've all had it all. I've said millions of horrible things to people, things of which not even a word I meant. But that doesn't make me a horrible person, does it? There have been times when I've felt being a miserable person. So, I start keeping shut. Hard way, but some way where I wouldn't possibly hurt people and feel miserable about it later. On the contrary, not speaking was as much of a torture to people as me talking in anger was. It doesn't matter what all you say in front of whom. If they get you, they'll get why you are talking or not, maybe. The ones who don't, well you'll know. Words are as important between people as silence is. I don't say it's necessary to explain yourself to everyone. No. There's no point to it, entirely. We can be silent with anyone on this planet. But a silence which will never need words thereafter for a blatant explanation, those are the ones worth it.

Perfection is a long lost concept. It's not possible to have it anywhere in life, even if it's your work. The only concept that actually works is understanding. Everything ends out with time. Temporary is the only permanent thing in life. The movie, Perks of Being a Wallflower? They said, we accept the love we think we deserve. Partly true. Part is what the other decides to give us, ultimately which is what we deserve. Unconditional loving is superficial. It doesn't exist. But the point is to give in, completely, patiently. When the other person deserves so much more out of you unexpectedly, you deserve more automatically. It isn't ever about what one deserves. It never should be. It's about where you decide never to give up, and where you find utter comfort and happiness. Everything comes to an end, unquestionably. But the end can actually be a beginning we've been fearing to see. The only thing we need to understand is there was one long way that led to the beginning, and then there's still time to an end. Forevers don't work. They never do. But that's never a reason to not start off on the road which might lead to an eventual beginning. Then that's an individual choice if the way till the end has to be worked upon alone or together. Love and care just does not disappear, only fizzes out, like bubbles when you blow out air in water. And those bubbles can be made again, if only you remember to blow out air again. We find it convenient to isolate our feelings when we see fit. And we forget that the same habit of isolation interferes when we want to crack up. 

It's in human nature. No matter how hard we try to be and do good, along the way we always drop our guard and do something bad. But you don't give up. Not even when the object of your affection begs you to. All is a lie. Everything's a faux pas. The only thing that stays real is you and that one person who swifts along and holds your pinky finger with theirs, no matter how fragile that hold is. You can't always protect yourself, so hand over the guard to someone who's read to. Trust me, you'll find them doing a better job at it. Let people be when they want to be at your side. Because when you reach the end, you don't want that one person who's been there the whole way through, to be the one who wouldn't be in your life anymore. 

Till later,
Ak.